IHQ go the extra mile!!!

It is unusal for me to write on a personal or even sober note but today, I must draw your Sisterly attention to www.justgiving.com/andiehope.

My family and I can not thank you enough for your support, encouragement and kind deeds in respect of our Andie's crusade to get her gold certificate from the British Heart Foundation. With your fabulous fraternal generousity not only will she be honoured with same but we have exceeded all fund raising expectations.

Words cannot express our thanks to all who have contributed to this worthy cause and in partricular to the JACK HORNER public house - the one and only INTERNATIONAL HEADQUARTERS.

You've got your gold Andie - as if there was any doubt!!!

(Still time to donate via www.justgiving.com/andiehope)

God Bless & Thank you all so Very, Very Much

Martyr xx

All Sisters Bulletin

Grateful thanks to you all for your kindness and good wishes following the death of my Blood Sister-in-law. Known by all of you as a fellow of this splendid order she will be sadly missed by us all.

In her memory International Headquarters are hosting a charity karaoke on Saturday 10th May. Funds raised will go to the British Heart Foundation via www.justgiving.com/andiehope. You can follow the above link to see how fund raised in her name are already accumulating steadily.

Thanks especially to Nick and Staff at the Jack Horner

Martyr xx

And so to pastures new..........

Ok so it has taken the best part of two years, a wheelbarrow load of cash and a few fisticuffs along the way but finally, the Sister Martyr is pleased to announce that she will shortly be taking up residence at her new public house in Worthing.

This does mean, of course, that I will be once again tied to long hours of work and little play but the relief to be finally doing once again what comes naturally, (at least to me), warms my heart (and hopefully my empty pockets).

Obviously Sisters of all ranks and classes will receive the warmest of welcomes should they grace us with the honour of a visit.

Clearly the impact on my life will be such that my attendance at IHQ and other Fraternal gatherings will be somewhat lacking but I hope to be able to keep in touch in one form or another along the way. In any case I think over the past week we have shared sufficient falling down water together to assure ourselves a place in a renal dialysis unit sometime in the future so a rest from such endeavours will now do me the power of good.


My loyal toast to you all ………..“Long Live the Fraternity and Bugger Bognor”

A letter from Martyr

Dear ????,

Thanks for your very late reply to my request for progress.

Unfortunately, due to the fact that you are clearly inept, or at least your firm appears to be, these parts have all since been superseded due to the vast delay in your response.
Frankly, I need to update progress on around 125 of your aerospace parts but I know through bitter experience that it is most unlikely that I will ever get a truthful, or at least accurate answer to any of my queries. It is probable that by the time any response was furnished I would either be suffering Alzheimer's disease or would have thrown myself in the River Adur which by good fortune runs just a few hundred yards from my office window.

I can't thank you enough for making my job such a joy this last few months. Our regular telephone conversations have done so little to cheer my days and I have lost count of the number of times you have promised faithfully to 'call me right back with an answer'. Oh, how I waited for those calls - how I longed to hear your voice - how I willed my voicemail to be full of your excuses. But nay, never was such a call returned, always those promises broken.

Always my love of our telephonic liaisons led me to call you again, and again, and again. Your answer always the same.

So with broken heart and having lost the will to live, (at least in the aerospace industry), it is time for me to bid farewell to you and your stinking Company. For I am to bound to move to a more sophisticated environment where my customers are but drunks and from whom I pledge to remove their hard earned cash diligently and with an easy conscience.

How I shall miss our correspondence and carefree conversations, please feel free to drop by anytime, I would be so happy to provide to you the same level of service I have come to expect from your own firm.

Yours with knobs on

Martyr

Sisterly Assault

As weekends go ......................

For once, a serious note. Sisters of our most Venerable Order were set upon on the night of Saturday last by a complete stranger and without the slightest provocation. The incident occurred whilst leaving our IHQ and heading to the Convent of Our Lady of Emu for a swift nightcap before returing to our various latties. It just goes to show how careful we Happy Homies need to be.

The Moronic Thug in question is completely unknown to us but was seen earlier in the evening at the bar of the Jack Horner. Sadly, The Sister Emu and my fabulous self were brtually attacked and sustained something of injuries to our most precious persons. Unfortunately the incident occurred so rapidly and without warning it gave this Sister little time to Change into SuperSis and thus give the thug a touch of his own medicine.

Still, there is always much good to come from the bad and our Sisters enjoyed with us a most pleasant night in Worthing A&E (soon to be closed we hear), before we could all go home and lick our wounds.

Be warned Sisters you never know when these things will happen.

BE WARNED THUG-U-LIKE, MARTYR IS ON THE CASE AND WILL NOT REST UNTIL JUSTICE HAS BEEN SERVED.

Seriously though - thanks to all the Sisters who have offered their support over the last couple of days. You are all fabulous!!